something and nothing
like contentedness underneath
a little bubble of joy
that’s mine to keep
threatening to overspill
but jealousy is ugly
i’d rather not have you contaminate,
try to infect my happiness
with petty, silly you.
I am a good listener. I try not to judge or bully you when you need someone to talk to. I try my best to understand and I am sorry if I have not experienced what you have, but never question my loyalty. Trust is difficult to obtain and even harder to repair.
only the third strike?
or have i merely lost count?
the feelings don’t change much,
but with time, perhaps.
a little duller, just give me more time.
and maybe,
these betrayals won’t hurt as much.
oh, who am i kidding?
hiding
battling sharp pains of loneliness in an extroverted society.
it’s pretend extroversion again,
but i can’t hide the introversion that binds
itself to me like my shadow.
Cadence
The light pulsates in tune
With soft clicks and rowdy clangs.
There’s only so much to do,
Mindlessly and endlessly.
With soft clicks and rowdy clangs,
Rock away your life,
Mindlessly and endlessly,
Without another’s prodding.
Rock away your life
In unknown fantasies,
Without another’s prodding
To awaken forgotten memories.
In unknown fantasies,
Dawn breaks the twilight
To awaken forgotten memories.
The snow falls harder.
Dawn breaks the twilight,
Leaving behind misty whispers.
The snow falls harder
Only to melt away.
Leaving behind misty whispers,
You flow within time,
Only to melt away.
Waiting here and watching how
You flow within time.
There’s only so much to do,
Waiting here and watching how
The light pulsates in tune.
I also find that I like taking pictures of people. Not in a creepy sense…
I just like taking pictures of my friends, especially when unguarded, yaknow? I get to take these photos and they might or might not realize, but they look so open… So them.
Iunno. :x
001 i am…
a voice unheard,
with words unspoken.
hiding behind fragile glass,
wondering
when the world
will come crashing down
all around and onto me.
a ghost of a whisper,
transparent and lost.
not who i was because
i’ve changed, changed, changed,
and still changing and trying
so hard to keep up
with who i am supposed to be,
with who i want to be,
with who i am becoming.
loose threads waiting for someone
to come along
and weave me
into something
beautiful.
wondrous?
—magnificent.
Unspoken
Hey, Hon. Remember me?
Guess not. We haven’t seen nor talked…
For how long again?
And we were best friends.
Until you denounced me, that is.
I cried.
I cried childish tears.
I cried childish tears for someone I loved.
You’ve changed; I’ve changed.
I still wonder if any part of you
is still the naive, (in?)sensitive girl
(And I’m reminded of that day
when Ashley told me I was so sensitive.
That memory freezes,
And to this day— for the life of me—
I still don’t know if that
—was good or bad.)
I once knew.
You never truly become a part of me.
Too bad, my ex-best friend,
I don’t love you.
invisible thoughts.
i see you’ve moved on.
you never would have done that to me, for me.
even though i always understand.
and consent.
(no matter what.)
i see i’ve been replaced.
replaced, replaced, replaced…
it hurts. it fuckin’ hurts.
just like all the other times,
but i’ll manage. i’ll manage
just like all the other times.
what else can i do but watch?
(like always, as always)
even though i’m standing right here.
thank you for reading, for listening,
but i don’t want [i need] your comments, your worries.
(all fake—
as always, like always)
i’m sick and tired of all this shit.
i just want to curse fuck.
fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck.
fucking hell.
no, i am not all right even if i insist so.
yes, i need you but you just can’t seem to read
[you don’t understand]
what’s underneath the half-heart smile, the gentle bitterness, the overwhelming
despair.
and yes,
i have unofficially denounced you.
vous.
The mind isn’t perfect. Dates, names, faces— they all begin to blur. Then you change. I change. People change. Everything changes and we start to drift apart. Yes, we look back and maybe we can bring back some of the feelings from the past, but the memories have already begun to fade. They all fade and all I’m left with are mere imprints.
